Traveling the Tricky Road of Sex

The Christian Reformed Church's Safe Church Ministry has made available an accessible, story-driven resource to help parents and teens better grasp and live out biblical teachings on sexual temptation, gender roles, intimacy and the overall topic of human sexuality.

Titled Driver’s Training for Dating: Sex and Intimacy in Healthy Relationships, the resource aims to educate young people, particularly as they begin dating, on how to travel the tricky road of sexuality.

"You need to know the rules of the road, and you need a GPS system to guide you where you are headed. You need to know where the potholes are and how to drive defensively, even if the cultural traffic lights are askew and the other drivers aren’t paying attention," write authors Rev. William Veenstra, a Canadian pastor, and Gayla Postma, news editor for the Banner, in the book.

The online, downloadable (pdf) book addresses the challenges — especially for teens — of living in today’s sex-saturated society. An anecdotal manual of sorts, it is firmly grounded in the truth that humans are created in the image of God and should be treated with tenderness, care and love.
 
The book also says that God created humans to be in relationships and to be members of a community. In addition, God created people “with a longing for intimacy, with him and with others,” the authors write.

The authors intentionally chose a more narrative style that makes use of stories as a way to talk about this so-human and so-complicated topic.

“One of the driving forces behind the writing of this book in the form of stories was to help teens recognize what abuse looks like (anger, control, sexual exploitation by an older adult,” says Postma.

“Teen dating violence is more prevalent than we'd like to think, so helping teens recognize the beginnings of those patterns is key to helping them both avoid abuse and learn healthy relationship patterns),” says Postma.

Teaching the path to healthy sexuality is one of several tasks that Safe Church Ministry undertakes. Supported with assistance from CRC members through the Ministry Shares program, the ministry grew out of the need several years ago to address the problem of child sex abuse by church leaders in the denomination.

The ministry is meeting that need in many ways, especially through various seminars, training programs, policies and protocols.In addition, there are Safe Church Teams and Safe Church Advocates who work on the regional and local levels to protect and seek justice for sexually abused church members.

Safe Church also has the task of helping congregations build and sustain healthy interactions between church members, and this includes providing such resources as the new book.

"Both Gayla and Bill are passionate about teenagers and have worked with them for several years. They also both understand the dynamics of healthy relationships, and how valuable that understanding is in avoiding abuse and promoting healthy relationships in the lives of young people,"  says Bonnie Nicholas, director of Safe
Church Ministry.

The book weaves together the metaphor of learning to drive a car with real-life story scenarios, extensive research and biblical commentary.

There are stories of teens who are in love and struggling with how to best express powerful sexual urges. There are also stories of abusive relationships, of someone being addicted to pornography, and about young men and women who feel painful conflicts and question their sexual inclinations.

Stories also highlight how teens have been able to make godly choices about sexuality, even in midst of today’s world. Questions intended to encourage discussion follow each chapter.

“Sexual intimacy is a winding, scenic route, with many rest stops and cul-de-sacs along the way, which include varying levels of touching, kissing, caressing,” write the authors.

This is not a book of rules, but instead “a guide that can help you see what God-given intimacy can look like, and how you can navigate your way in a spiritually, physically, emotionally, relationally and sexually safe way."

Above all, the resource reminds teens and other readers that they indeed bear God’s image and should follow the instructions of Paul in Romans 12:2: “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed . . . ”