Picking Questions from the Pickle Jar

– Even if you aren’t a teenager, page through any part of Ron DeBoer’s new book, “Questions from the Pickle Jar: Teens and Sex,” and it is likely you will be intrigued  by the conversational writing style that the longtime educator uses as he takes on the challenging and yet acutely personal topic.

Featuring a pickle jar on the cover, the book was published by Faith Alive Christian Resources, the publishing agency of the Christian Reformed Church in North America, in cooperation with the Office of Abuse Prevention of the Christian Reformed Church.

Topics tackled—all from a Christian perspective—include dating and relationships, sex without marriage, abuse, homosexuality, and pornography.

“I wrote the book to give teens a humorous, straight-up talk on sex and relationship issues,” says Ron DeBoer, the author, in an email.

“I wanted to give kids a voice that wasn’t authoritarian or institutional, but one that was honest, colloquial, aware of what’s going on in the media and culture, and be upfront that everyone—including their teachers and parents—have dealt with these same issues.”

The book addresses very tough subjects in a way that is engaging and non-offensive. Especially, it gives teens and their parents a framework within which they can talk about the issues.

Flip it open to page 59 and this question appears: “What if I’m always the one to make the first move to hold hands or kiss? Should I be concerned?” The first part of the answer is this: “This is a big one for guys. It says a lot about who is controlling the relationship.”

Or this paragraph from page 30: “The truth is, we get a lot of our knowledge about sex and relationships from the media. And let’s face it, the commercials are pretty funny, the TV shows are well-crafted, and the magazines are pretty alluring.”

The book is mainly geared for high-school-age teens to read on their own and for high school teachers and youth leaders to use as a platform for sex talks in the classroom or in a church setting. An introductory video on the book is also available.

“There are interactive components to the book where kids have the option to write down their own thoughts on topics,” says DeBoer, who is a longtime teacher and now works as a vice-principal of a school in Canada.

The book’s title comes from an exercise that DeBoer used to do in his high school sex-education class; teens could write any question they wanted about sex and slip it into a big pickle jar he used to bring into class.

“I would then pull these questions out and answer them…honestly, humorously, and with a Christian perspective,” he says.

One of the crucial themes of the book is that sex and intimacy are gifts from God. But there are limits and matters of self-control that Christian teens need to consider. At the same time, though, DeBoer says he did not write the book to make a boy or girl feel guilty for having sexual thoughts.

DeBoer says about his book, “The purpose of this book is first to be honest with each other and then to give a solid Christian perspective on the whole topic of sex and relationships by considering God’s boundaries and expectations for our relationships.”