Shaped by Grace and Truth

Around 80 people gathered at Waterloo (Ont.) Christian Reformed Church on a foggy March morning to learn about abuse prevention and response—and to wrestle with what it means to be communities shaped by both grace and truth.

The Annual Inter-Classis Safe Church Conference, now in its 29th year, is organized and hosted each year by the Classis Huron Safe Church Committee. This year’s conference drew participants from as far away as northern Alberta, and from several denominations beyond the CRCNA. About half of this year’s participants were also first-time attenders, suggesting a growing interest in abuse prevention and response.

Carel Geleynse, one of the event organizers, opened with an unexpected reference: Yertle the Turtle by Dr. Seuss—a story about a ruler who builds his power on the backs of others, ignoring their suffering. The image, Geleynse suggested, offers a striking picture of how power can be misused when leaders fail to care for the people who support and serve them.

Geleynse noted that Christians are called to a very different way of life. Reading from Philippians 2, he pointed to Paul’s instructions that believers show their gratitude for Christ’s love by striving for unity, and by doing nothing “out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather,” says Paul, “in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others” (Phil. 2:3-4).

Jesus is our model in this way of life, taking on the nature of a servant and giving up his life for us, his people, explained Geleynse. 

James Watson, Internship Program coordinator and lecturer in practical theology at Tyndale Seminary, gave the plenary address, “Grace and Truth: What Shapes Our Shared Spiritual Life?” He asked his audience to consider what it means for us to live out the call to be Christlike, “full of grace and truth”—as Jesus is described in John 1:14. 

Reflecting also on John 8:1-11, Watson noted how Jesus disrupted a moment of public shaming, calling for both truth and self-examination among those ready to condemn.

Watson also appealed to elders and spiritual leaders with the words of 1 Peter 5:2-3: “Be shepherds of God’s flock that is under your care, watching over them—not because you must, but because you are willing, as God wants you to be; not pursuing dishonest gain, but eager to serve; not lording it over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock.” When that instruction is not followed, spiritual abuse can occur, said Watson. 

The Classis Huron Safe Church Policy defines spiritual abuse as “exploitation, coercion, or control of another person by a leader with spiritual authority, which results in the weakening, undermining, or diminishment of the person’s emotional, relational, or spiritual well-being.”

Recognizing such dynamics requires discernment, Watson noted—much like identifying the imbalance of power in the image of Yertle’s towering throne.

Watson shared a case study about a campus-ministry movement that was popular some years ago. 

A first-year science student was invited to a Bible study with this campus movement. Serious about his faith, he joined the Bible study and began one-on-one mentoring with the pastor of the group.

Some of what he was learning differed slightly from the faith he had grown up in. For example, he was told that while other denominations were sort of right about baptism, this group had the “real” understanding.

Different ideas presented by the group caused the young man to question what he had been taught in his youth. He began skipping classes to study the material from the Bible-study group and better understand their principles. The group made demands of its members, dictating how much sleep they should have, whom they could spend time with or date, and more.

At this point, Watson revealed that he was the young man in the case study. He made several observations about the group and how they had become spiritually abusive. He noted that the people involved were genuinely interested in loving others and helping people find God’s call on their life, but the group’s methods resulted in damage.

The attention paid to students served to draw them in, rather than genuinely helping them. The leaders’ techniques resulted in holding spiritual values ransom in order to enforce control, questioning people’s faith or devotion if they didn’t act or believe in the tightly controlled ways dictated by the group.

The group, Watson explained, claimed to demand full allegiance and obedience “to God” while really demanding allegiance to them. 

For example, he said, the message was “How we practice baptism, and what you are believing at the moment of baptism, is crucial to your salvation. . . . You’re either in, or you’re out, depending on whether or not you’re in agreement with this—and if you’re in, then we also have spiritual authority over you, and that means you need to be obedient to that spiritual authority.”

Over time, and with the friendship of another student and a Christian Reformed chaplain at the university, the young man grew to understand that salvation isn’t earned by perfectly understood theology and obedience to one group or leader, and he left the group. 

The CRC chaplain met with him and other students affected by the Bible-study group, addressing unhealthy spiritual practices and helping them to see our freedom in Christ and his sacrifice to give us full salvation.

Unfortunately, many young adults who had joined the movement eventually left Christianity behind, believing it to be controlling and oppressive because of their experiences with the group.

Spiritual abuse will look different in different situations and for different people, Watson noted. Each story of negative religious experiences has unique factors related to people’s backgrounds, experiences, and the practices they are exposed to.

When we communicate our faith, and especially when we take on leadership roles in the church or in other ministries, we need to reflect, said Watson: “How can we understand the meaning of salvation? We read about it on a regular basis, and we hear about it in sermons and sing about it in songs. Sometimes it’s valuable to actually do that reflection: What is it that we mean by salvation? And I would hope that that’s partly because then we can actually offer that in a way that’s invitational but freeing for the individual we’re talking to. We can also be attentive to where sometimes that kind of spiritual authority gets used in a controlling way. And we’re able to speak into that and say, ‘Well, what about this?’” 

Watson continued, “Part of what we hope that you experience today is both how to identify when sometimes we’re behaving a little bit like Yertle, and we need to . . . have that self-awareness to say, ‘Oh, this could actually be harmful; can we move [in another] direction?’ and . . . how [to know when] we need to be a little bit like Mack (the turtle who spoke up), where we’re asking the right questions that actually can help people to discern what the way forward is.”

Following the plenary session, participants attended two of four workshop options:

• Promoting spiritual health and responding to spiritual abuse (James Watson)
• Recognizing and responding to abuse as a congregant (Cathi Watson)
• Power dynamics and assisted suicide (Stephen Vander Klippe)
• Pastoral response and process (Julia Rathbun, Thrive)

Rathbun’s workshop gave practical and pastoral guidance on how church members and safe church committees can respond when allegations or concerns of abuse are brought to them.

Advice in that regard included giving comfort, listening well, and asking, “What would you like me to do to help you?” without making promises, said Rathbun. And in the response following disclosure, Rathbun explained, safety, pastoral care, and formal process all need to be considered.

Wilma Van Schelven, a conference participant from Living Hope CRC in Orillia, Ont., said, “This is my fourth time attending. Every time I come, I learn something new—and often discover something we need to change in our policy. That’s a good thing, because it helps us to keep up to date in how we approach safe church.”

Rita van der Veen, who came to the conference from Classis Toronto, added, “It’s always educational. It’s good to reconnect with others and to learn together. The fellowship is good, and the level of training is excellent.”

“It was encouraging to hear thoughtful engagement and conversation throughout the day,” said Rathbun. “Spiritual abuse can be a difficult topic, but I left feeling hopeful. It was clear that those present care deeply about the safety and well-being of their congregations.”

Bruce J. Clemenger, senior ambassador and president emeritus of the Evangelical Fellowship of Canada, emphasized the broader significance of this work. “Our churches need to be, and be known as, safe places,” he said. “Not only do churches need good policies, but they also need people who will implement these policies, and this requires ongoing training.”

The conference highlighted a growing commitment among church leaders to ensure that congregations are not only places of faith but also places of safety—where grace and truth are lived out together.

Information on how churches and safe church committees can respond to abuse is available from Thrive, the congregational support agency of the CRCNA, by emailing [email protected].