Firing Up Marriages in New Jersey

Sussex, New Jersey is a hard-working community. Many farmers, tradesmen, and business owners usually see more than just a five-day work week. Yet they know family life takes work, too.

So Sussex CRC partnered with ReFrame Media’s Family Fire team, Steven and Deb Koster, to organize, promote, and host a marriage conference for the church and its neighbors in late March. Family Fire is an outreach of ReFrame Media, the English outreach of Back to God Ministries International.

“Family connections are very important to our church family,” said event coordinator Brandie Vande Werken. “There are a number of fourth generation children worshipping with their great grandparents, and some extended families gather every Sunday for coffee after the morning service.”

The Sussex event planning committee wanted to give their congregation an opportunity to enrich those relationships.

“We are excited to see how God is working in that community,” reflected Deb Koster following the seminar. “We had tremendous feedback from those who attended the workshop.”

One couple noted, “We appreciated the good mix of personal examples with information, especially the sense throughout that Scripture and God are central.”

Others liked the humor and interaction between Steven and Deb Koster as husband and wife, especially the practical applications of how to improve their own marriages.

 “They give down-to-earth, realistic examples of life illustrations, showing us how to stay connected with your spouse,” was another response.

Steven Koster commented on the anxiety that people feel coming to an event. “Some people are unnerved by the idea of discussing their marriages around others, so we share our own stories of our mistakes and learning along the way.”

Deb Koster added, “Looking deeper into our relationships can feel intimidating, so couples are relieved when we have fun and they find the only deeper sharing is with their spouse.”

Yet Steven and Deb Koster don’t shy away from difficult topics. They have found that people appreciate honesty about the challenges that marriages face.

They say it is important to share what the Bible has to say about all aspects of relationships, even the painful things such as infidelity or abuse.

“Christians need to be reminded that God cares about how we live in relationships,” says Deb Koster.

The Kosters provide handouts that help the couples assess their strengths, issues, and differences. These can be used as homework, but time is also provided during the seminar for private conversations between the spouses.

“It wasn’t intimidating,” someone commented. “And I appreciated the homework. It’s a good way to get discussions started.”

The church worked with its council to make the conference free and accessible to participants.