Conference Connects Copastoring Couples

Trevor and Julia Vanderveen and Tony and Jen Holmes Curran recently joined several other clergy couples in Minneapolis, Minn., to share the special concerns and joys of copastoring a Christian Reformed Church congregation.

Brought together by the CRC’s Sustaining Pastoral Excellence (SPE) program, the couples told their stories, engaged in several exercises, and spent time discussing what it is like being copastors who are also parents. The event was titled “Secrets of the Double Yoked.”

“There was no job description for what we would be getting into as a clergy couple,” said Tony Holmes Curran, who has served New Hope Community Church in Shelby, Mich., for five years with his wife, Jen.

“Especially when you have children, it’s uncharted territory,” he said. “So going to the clergy couples conference, and realizing we weren’t the only ones dealing with what we are dealing with, was absolutely very valuable.”

Since 2009, SPE has held 10 learning events for pastors and their spouses. The one in Minneapolis was the first for clergy couples., but it was also the final one for which SPE had funding.

“We'd had requests for an event where both husband and wife were ordained. We weren't aware of any such event being offered by the CRCNA, so we decided to have our final event focus on clergy couples. Out of a possible 27 such couples in the CRC, 11 couples attended,” said Lis Van Harten, director of SPE.

Most of CRC clergy couples work together in the same congregation. Those who work in different settings often include at least one spouse who serves as a chaplain in a school or hospital.

A highlight of the Minneapolis event for the couples was when they created their own version of the Jack and Jill poem, said Norm Thomasma, who facilitated the event along with Cecil Van Niejenhuis, codirector of the Pastoral Resources office.

“I was surprised by their enthusiastic reactions. One person started talking, and pretty soon everyone was sharing,” said Thomasma, who now works as a consultant for Pastor Church Resources.

Addressing some of the challenges clergy couples encounter, one couple’s poem reads as follows, “Jack and Jill went up the hill of kingdom work elated! But at the top, Jack said, ‘Stop!’ His cry somewhat belated.”

The clergy couples said this observation was right on: Only after they started did they realize the many challenges they encountered as spouses and as pastors.

Another couple’s poem said, “Jack and Jill, they have a child who loves to sing refrains. Some Sundays this child is wild and throws her paper planes.”

“That one is so true. Some Sunday mornings in church can just be chaos when we try to serve the church and also be parents,” said Tony Holmes Curran.

The poem exercise served as a warm-up for more substantial discussion on such things as the polarities that the couples often encounter. These polarities are described as dilemmas in which both of two contradictory emphases need to be maintained.

“For instance, we talked about such polarities as being an individual and also a member of a team, of having a professional and a personal life, and of the differences between being a man or a woman,” said Thomasma.

The couples also discussed ways in which they could develop boundaries between work and home, the importance of respecting one another’s preaching style, and encouraging one another to pursue their own interests.

“We addressed the importance of getting a life outside the church, of communicating their needs to the council, and of finding another clergy couple to journey with,” said Van Niejenhuis.

Trevor Vanderveen said he and his wife, Julia, were copastors of First CRC in Vancouver, B.C., for more than nine years before she took a call several months ago to be a chaplain at an area high school.

Looking back at their time of copastoring, he said several themes in the Jack and Jill poems struck home, especially the part about not being sure of what they were getting themselves into.

“We had to develop our own identities and understand our own gifts and talents,” said Trevor.

At the event in Minneapolis, he said, he and his wife were surprised how much they identified with the other couples and how much they laughed.

For instance, another poem stanza talked about the problem of synchronizing their schedules: “Jack and Jill got off the track, their calendars neglected. Jill showed up not knowing Jack had changed the time suspected.”

“The poem exercise was really helpful,” said Vanderveen. “It was a playful way to name the unique realities of being a clergy couple. For one thing, our schedule is always in flux. It can get trying.”

Tony and Jen Holmes Curran split their duties by taking turns preaching on different Sundays. Sometimes they do a joint sermon series. Jen Holmes Curran said she only asks for feedback when she is finished writing her sermon.

“Also, we put our sermons together in different ways,” she said. “Tony’s approach to giving a sermon is more characterized by teaching, while mine is more literary. I try to set up a tension that encourages people to ask questions before it is resolved.”

Jen Holmes Curran passed on a chance to serve as a chaplain at the University of Michigan before they both decided to serve as copastors in rural Shelby, Michigan — in a congregation that includes many church members who are unemployed or struggling with their health.

Over the past five years, she said, she and her husband have grown to deeply love and appreciate the congregation, some of whose members step up at times and help them with babysitting.

A perk of the job, she said, is the chance to have the same day off in the middle of the week, which happened recently and they took the time to ride their bicycles through downtown Shelby.

While Tony tends to handle administrative matters, said Jen, she has been busy finding ways to help heal relationships among members of the congregation.

Both the Vanderveens and the Holmes Currans said they never dreamed while attending seminary that they would work with their marriage partner in a church. In each instance, they faced difficulties they could never have imagined.

“The experience has stretched me and exhausted me,” said Tony Holmes Curran, referring to serving the rural church as well as copastoring with his wife.

“I have this strong sense, though, that this is where God wants us to be and that God is blessing us as we do ministry alongside the marginalized in this part of Michigan.”