Finding Ways to Add Meaning to Funerals

Rev. Gerry Koning recently experienced two troubling examples of how the COVID-19 virus pandemic can affect families who need to bury a loved one.

“After we closed our church because of the pandemic, a man in our congregation went in for what they thought would be a routine medical procedure,” but he didn’t recover, said Koning, pastor of Trinity Christian Reformed Church in Grandville, Mich.

The pastor and family members  were able to pray with the man in his final moments. But then, because of the expanding number of COVID-19 patients, preparations for the funeral and burial needed to move quickly, even though the man had not contracted the virus. To be sure, the family didn’t have time even to begin grieving as they might under other conditions.

It boiled down to limiting the number of loved ones who could attend the service at the funeral home, said Koning. In addition, visitation at the funeral home was limited, and the graveside service was curtailed.

“I was still able to go over to their house to be with them,” said Koning. “They were struggling with their anger. They had to struggle with why this was the time the Lord wanted to take him home,” he said.

Not long afterward, another of Koning’s church members died as a hospice patient in her son’s home. Again, this was not a COVID-19 patient.

“I was able to go into the home and to lay my hand on and pray for her,” said Koning.

But it was truly sad that even though this woman had many friends, they were unable to visit, said Koning

However, family members  did distribute seeds to be planted and to grow into gigantic sunflowers — a favorite of the woman who passed. “She always loved the sun,” they said.

In the current COVID-19 context, with social distancing encouraged and public gatherings prohibited, it is important for pastors and church councils to consider how they will deal with funeral protocols during this pandemic, said John Witvliet, director of the Calvin Institute of Christian Worship.

“What is especially important is that pastors and councils have a conversation about this together, and decide how they will handle this when the need arises,” said Witvliet.

If at all possible, this conversation should occur prior to an actual situation arising, he added. This will allow for a decision being made on the basis of thoughtfulness and prudence, rather than being driven by the heat and urgency of a death in the church community.

It may be wise — as happened in both of the funerals Koning officiated — to consider holding a small, graveside ceremony for immediate family and loved ones, and postponing a memorial service till a time when it is possible for crowds to gather again.

In some situations, though, there may be an opportunity to livestream a funeral service. It may also be important to forgo the practice of funeral home visitation for the time being. Attending to whatever regulations are in place in a state or province will of course be necessary.

“This is a time of high stress for families. It is a bad situation all around,” said Jeff Matthysse, co-owner of a funeral home in Grand Rapids, Mich. “But we are working closely with families to help them out in this unfortunate situation.”

They are also working to follow closely the Centers for Disease Control guidelines on social distancing, he said.

And, for pastors, attending to the pastoral needs of people who are grieving remains important. The usefulness of communication and video technologies will be especially important in continuing to connect with one another.

According to the Institute of Christian Worship website: “The announcement of Jesus’ resurrection that first Easter morning, was given to startled, frantic people—in the setting of a cemetery. What better place to hear necessary good news, then . . . and what better place for us to remember, now—that our life is held by the One making all things new.

Funeral Practices during COVID-19: Praying for Wisdom in Pastoral and Liturgical Adaptations